DANCING BRAVE COLUMN FOR SUNDAY 4TH MARCH, 2007

While, I was in Jamaica (for the West Indies World Cup opening match arrangements), a lot of things were left undone, so as I began the remedial work, I thought of all the sportsmen in Trinidad and Tobago

who travel all over the world and leave others to perform the mundane

everyday tasks at their homes, like their wives, girlfriends, brothers,

sisters and parents.

The crack in the bathroom ceiling turned out not to be nothing, as I had

maintained. It turned out to be a portent.

Later that Sunday morning the water which had been biding its time in

the darkness of the loft poured into the light - through the light, in

fact - and drummed on to the floorboards beneath. Nasty, old water.

It was an alarming situation and one demanding of immediate action. I am

only glad I wasn't there.

My friend did what was necessary with the help of Yellow Pages. And

don't think I wasn't grateful to her. Of course I was. But I was even

more grateful that I had been out there practicing for my speech when the West Indies win the World Cup, when it all went off.

Has it ever occurred to you that we are desperately short of opposites?

Oh yes, we always think that English is a rich language, but there are

many words in our language that are crying out for a word to express the

opposite meaning, and the word simply isn't there, even if the meaning

exists.

To get you thinking about this vital topic, here is a short list of such

twins that have lost their opposite partner in sporting ways.

1. Shoplifting

Where is the word to describe the opposite of shoplifting? We know what

a shoplifter does. He or she goes into a shop, takes something from the

shelf and leaves without paying. But what of the person who goes into a

world cup cricket match with some unwanted shot concealed about their person puts

it out for the team when everyone's looking and then causes the fans to

leave? It's the opposite of shoplifting, and it's sometimes the only way

out for several of the West Indies players who cause a lot of

difficulties for their paying followers, but we have no name for it.

2. Submarine

"Submarine" means something below the water. How do you refer to things

that are above water? I don't mean Mount Everest but rather what is the

real reason for the visit from the former hockey heads to certain major players in the hockey fraternity.

3. Learning difficulties

The opposite of a child with learning difficulties is a teacher with

teaching difficulties. Every football school has got at least one. But

we never talk about them as such, particularly when they are well paid

by several friends of the rulers of football.

4. Filled rolls

We all know what a filled roll is. It's a roll that has been opened up,

smeared inside with an almost invisible deposit of yellow substance,

thinly stuffed with a mixture tasting either of the seashore at high

tide (tuna) or nothing (cheese), then closed up again and sold at a

profit, just like what we all got from the West Indies team at the 2003

World Cup. Perhaps this time around the roll could be tastier.

 But what is the opposite of it? What is an unfilled roll? Not a roll

that has never been filled, for that would be an empty roll like the

empty guts of our flaying batsmen.

It must surely be rollcoaster ride that has filled and then emptied the

public again. Who would want to do that? I hear you cry. I'll tell you

whom. People who are just playing for money and not for the region they represent.

5. An icon

 Dwight Yorke is an icon of Trinidad and Tobago football, they say.

Leastways, I suppose they do. I know nothing about his lifestyle.

As I was saying I'd love to know what the opposite of an icon is. If

someone had brought shame and degradation on cycling, and lowered

standards for a decade, what would you call this anti-icon? … just a footballer’s friend!!!

6. Weather forecast

We all know what a weather forecast is. It's the episode in which a

weatherperson predicts the weather we should be getting in our part of

the country whenever we have people who want to waste their Sundays

playing golf. What we want is something quite different. It's an episode

in which a weatherperson comes on the screen or radio, looks back at the

weather of the past day or two, compares it to the forecast he had

previously given and explains why they got it so lamentably and stupidly

wrong, and apologizes till little flags are coming out of his ears.

Forecasts even in Horseracing seem to be getting worse and worse with

the increase pricing placed by the Arima Race Club. We need a

meteorological post-mortem followed maybe the racing requiem mass.

7. Feckless, listless, gormless, etc

Some of our sports commentators occasionally say "gruntled" and "couth"

in fun, as if in fleeting recognition of this plague of missing

opposites. Feckful, listful and gormful are another three we ought to

give an airing too soon.

8. Losers

Clearly we know that losers are, The West Indies Cricket Board and

The Hockey Board of Trinidad and Tobago maybe eventually The

Football Federation and their marketing arm. The opposite is winners

such as .....

9.Disparity

The prize money and recognition in football of the football teams compared to the treatment to our young cricketers, who have not gone on strike, who have not been caught naked abroad, but instead who have been disciplined and fought as a team. Is there any truth is the fact that opposites attract, as it relates to more money but less success.

10.Girls

Footballers, cricketers , basketballers, boxers, jockeys, trainers  or hockey players, which are attracted the most to the opposite sex.

 

More non-opposites soon. All suggestions welcome

 

:: AB